I had a terribly disturbing call a couple of hours ago. A good friend of my niece, a young single chap of 34 years of age, shot himself earlier this afternoon in Cape Town. My niece hadn’t heard yet, when I got this call. No one knows why really… not anyone outside of the family. I believe he sent a letter to his parents. I called my SIL (sister-in-law), a while ago to find out why, a young guy, in the prime of his life, with seemingly no financial burden, and no responsibilities known of, would do such a dastardly deed. Unfortunately SIL hadn’t heard this awful news and I became the bearer of shocking news. She became rather hysterical and as my thoughts were on this “child’s” poor family, I cut the conversation short. Although she managed to say that he was depressed and in fact, hated being with people. Actually, the phraseology SIL used, was that “he was a hermit and hated people”. Apparently he only saw my niece when no one outside of her husband and children, were around.
After mulling about this for the past couple of hours, my thoughts have been rather disjointed but I can’t stop thinking about this terrible tragedy. The thoughts creeping in to my head, have made me very, very sad and traumatised, thinking that people who do this deed, must be so tortured… and at the same time I’m terribly angry at the cowardice of a suicide and the pain it generates for the family, extended family and the community in general. I ‘lived’ through a colleague’s husband doing this awful thing, about 7 years after we qualified. Her children were 4 and 6 and he was about 38 at the time. He used a knife and cut his arm upwards from wrist to elbow (the correct way) – never managed to get to the other arm – didn’t need to! The visual has stayed with me for 25+ years! Since then, there have been many others at various ages – more and more lately– for financial reasons mainly, I’ve deduced.
My hardened attitude to suicide comes from living through an attempted suicide of a very close family member. From that day, of his attempt 2 years ago, the mess he made and what he put his family through, was the day I became a hard and unbending immovable rock when it comes to suicide. I know I’ll get flak from stating this publicly, but life is hard and that’s what living is all about. Getting through the hard stuff and making the most of our living minutes. I’m proof of that. (See BACK TO BACK).
The only time I can make peace (personally), with a tragic end to life, in this manner would be in the instance of someone suffering from a terminal disease, with no quality of life and/or living with constant unmanageable pain.
Oy.. enough of my emotional mental rambling…
I broke a tooth on Thursday night (biting in to a delicious biltong stick). Fortunately the Prosthodontist fitted me in this morning early. He fixed it temporarily (hope it lasts 3 months)… I’ll have to have it crowned when I get back from the USA. I also had my very last physio pummelling for 3 months. My back and neck and even my stomach are tight as a drum. Hard work and much ‘running’ to get ready. Although I’m told by my friends, that I rush around madly ALL the time! Maybe it’s just as well I’m getting away from the mental stress… it really is hard here for me. And my body is so rundown that I landed up getting this damn flu. I have to be better by Wednesday. The Benelyn for flu (thanks Celeste) with Sinuclear seem to be helping a whole lot.
I’ve packed one case … and will do the other one tomorrow. The hardest for me is the chronic medication. I don’t want to be caught without my essential stuff so I can’t risk it being “lost” from the baggage hold en route. For 3 months it’s a whole hellava lot of ‘stuff’ to get in my carry-on bag. Oy vey. I will get there.. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. In between, I’m beading the ostrich eggs, going through the freezers to organise food for the pater-figure. I also went to Menlyn today – the only place I can get an international driving licence. I HATE MENLYN!!! Everything is so far away from everything else.
Anyhoo that’s about it.. I’m going to shower and get into bed. It’s flippin’ freezin’ here. The ice is in my bones… not really… it’s in the metal fused to my bones. :)
THREE more sleeps including a 36 hour trip to the other side of the world… and then I’ll see them… my 4 adorable grandchildren, my beautiful daughters and my sons-in-law.