My mom’s Yarzheit

Today is the 1st anniversary, in the Hebrew calendar, of the death of my mom. Although she passed on the 3 June, this year our Yarzheit for her falls on the 24 May. A whole year has passed in a flash. The strangest part of it all, is that today would have been her 85th birthday.  I decided to read my journal from that awful day last year, hence this repost.

Thursday, June 4 @ 10.19 pm Pacific Coast Time (San Francisco)

My mom, 24 May 1925 - 3 June 2009 Above: A lifetime ago - here she is with me at few months of age. Ironically I'd taken these pictures in to be copied a week ago and yesterday morning, a few hours after she passed away, the photo shop called me to say these were ready. May her dear soul rest in peace

Generally, this has been an exceptionally long and difficult time for my family and in particular for me. Not seeing my children and grandchildren for well over 15 months was very painful for me, but knowing we had a double simcha in the form of a new baby and a wedding, kept me going. It was marred by the fact that my mom wasn’t strong enough physically to travel the many miles to be at her granddaughter’s wedding. The tough year (2008), we all suffered through, was even more traumatic for my mom. She’d lost my dad at such a young age and then my younger brother in the prime of his life and, in horrific circumstances, in front of her eyes, her sister was taken from her in a violent act of murder.

Both Nicki and Tania were Mary’s eldest grandchildren and they forged an incredible bond with her in their very early years. She was an integral part of their lives, helping with babysitting and then lift schemes as they got older, whenever she could. Both her and my dad, were besotted with their grandchildren. Sadly and prematurely, my father, passed away soon after we moved overseas 22 years ago. I had to leave the children in Israel to get back to his funeral. Then my brother Brian passed away so suddenly on my eldest grandson’s 3rd birthday – both my girls were living in the USA. Similarly when my aunt passed away, the girls were in the USA.

    There has to be a reason that I planned to stay longer with my children for this trip. For both Nicki and Tania who’ve had had to mourn so often over the last few years, from a distance, with no physical connection to our dear departed, I am thankful I am here for both of them. They need me as much as I need them. Last weekend, Mary’s birthday, we all spoke to her – a week after Tania’s wedding. She and Tania were cracking jokes and they were all excited about Tania and Warren coming back to SA in December so she could meet Warren.

    The thought that they won’t see their granny again and that she never got to know her newest, youngest great grandson, Jed, is incredibly sad for us all. Yesterday I decided to stay and sit shivah here. The split families that South Africa has caused are horrific and times have changed so radically that I’m sure G-d and my mom understand why I need to be here for my children and grandchildren as well as for myself. In fact, I know my mother would have wanted me to stay. Doron, sadly has lived through all these horrible losses from a very young age – it has made him stronger I’m sure. He has, however, always had both his parents to comfort him through all the sadness. Nicki and Tania did not. Nicki’s husband R, fortuitously I think, went to SA this week on business, which is all the more reason that I need to be here. I am grateful he is there for my sister and my son.

    Fortunately my kids have a wonderful community and their Rabbi came over yesterday. – I feel rather jaded at this part, (sitting shivah), having gone through it so often, but for the girls sake, I was glad he could give them some insight into  the next “leg” of their granny’s journey – or rather, the journey of her soul. I was pleased that he agreed with the ‘logic’ of my thinking, as far as staying here was concerned. I guess I needed reassurance that I wasn’t making a mistake, although at the end of it all, no one can make that decision for us, except ourselves.Thank you for your condolences and compassion and all the wonderful words of sympathy. I don’t think any of you realise, how much your good wishes mean to our family during this terribly sad time. Your warm thoughts are a source of comfort to us all during these difficult days.

    Warm hugs to you all,
    Dinx

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About d1nx

Techno-Gran living and working in Pretoria, South Africa and spending 3 months of the year with my 2 daughters and their husbands and 5 grandchildren on the East Bay, Northern Californa. Started blogging on my recovery from Spinal surgery in 2007 and have taken many twists and turns on my life's journey and varying chapters of my life.
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14 Responses to My mom’s Yarzheit

  1. Luscious One says:

    Gee, Dinx. That’s a lot of heartache to have faced in your life. Shame man. Can see why you’re so authentic and caring.
    Miss you.
    xxx

    • d1nx says:

      It’s been quite tough – but then everyone has their share as you too have learned. No one is free of the heartache and pain that comes with living, as you well know. It makes us stronger I believe, if we use these awful and traumatic times to make the most of the life we have. I try not to dwell, but on anniversaries such as these, I take time to remember – the good and the bad. Tomorrow I pick up the ball of life again, and run with it, as fast as I can.

      I actually thought of you too today – when this happened last year, was about the first time I “found” you on the blogs – so many new people started on LD/24 when I was in the USA. I’m so glad I “met” you!
      Much love LO, with hugs xxx

  2. Tokeloshe says:

    Dear Dinx,

    This must be such a difficult time for you all.

    What a beautiful photo. Your mother was a beautiful woman as well.

    Our thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

    Lots of love,
    xxx

    • d1nx says:

      Thanks Toks for your kindness and thoughts.
      It’s kind of surreal. Not yet long enough to be ‘immune’ if you know what I mean. Still early days for me. I think I need to go visit her grave before I leave for the US. Not sure if I’ll cope though.

      Hugs and love,
      xxx

  3. Tandy says:

    Wishing you and the family a long life my darling Di xxx

    • d1nx says:

      Thank you darling Tandelah. Much appreciated.
      The time is just flying. Can’t believe it’s 2 weeks since I saw you.
      Hugs and much love,
      xxx

  4. EverMe says:

    Darling DinxyLady.
    My heart opens for your pain and grief, it is one year but time never does take away the pain. Sometimes it doesn’t even dull the edges of it.
    But the memories and the joy and the goodness and the happiness, those make us shine. Those lift us up and give us wings. That sometimes in the quiet times we can sit and smile with the loved ones gone before, over times we were together in body.
    May you smile with yours, and bring your feet back down and smile with your loved ones here. For you are loved all over.
    My love and heart and thoughts are with you
    Kimi

    • d1nx says:

      Kimi, you are a special angel my friend. You just say all the right things and it comes through from your heart. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your beautiful words and thoughts.

      Love you loads, and in fact I love all of you, LO, Tandy, Toks as well. You guys have stood by me through thick and thin and I cannot tell you how much that means to me…. but just know that it does. I’m overwhelmed by your love.
      xxx

    • Tokeloshe says:

      Beautiful.

      Thank you.

      Take care.

  5. New Attitude says:

    Dinx the pain of losing a mom never quite dissipates….somehow the passage of time seems to make the hurt a little less….thinking of you ..love and hugs xxx

    • d1nx says:

      Thanks NA. I appreciate that, a lot. Even though I had mom-issues, it is rather tough. Lots of love to you my friend. HUGS xxx

  6. Dee says:

    Hi Dinx, I remember this post and the time last year. How sad it was for you. I am glad that you are a bit stronger now. That photograph is such a beautiful one. Love to you Chavera

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